• ‘Can you see any flaws in my thinking?’
• ‘Would you look at this stuff differently?’ ‘How would
you put this together?’
• ‘Would this look different in different circumstances?’
‘Are my assumptions valid?’
• ‘Have I missed anything?’
The beauty of this model is that you need no special training to
use it. Neither does the other participant in the conversation. You
can use it immediately, as a practical way to intervene in
conversations that are collapsing into argument.
6. Summarise often
Perhaps the most important of all the skills of conversation is the
skill of summarising. Summaries:
• allow you to state your objective, return to it and check
that you have achieved it;
• help you to structure your thinking;
• help you to manage time more effectively;
• help you to seek the common ground between you;
• help you to move beyond adversarial thinking.
Simple summaries are useful at key turning points in a
conversation. At the start, summarise your most important point
or your objective. As you want to move on from one stage to the
next, summarise where you think you have both got to and check
that the other person agrees with you. At the end of the
conversation, summarise what you have achieved and the action
steps you both need to take.
( c) 2011 Kogan Page L imited, All Rights Reserved.
54 Improve your Communication Skills
To summarise means to reinterpret the other person’s ideas
in your own language. It involves
recognising
the specific point
they’ve made,
appreciating
the position from which they say it
and
understanding
the beliefs that inform that position.
Recognising what someone says doesn’t imply that you agree
with it. Rather, it implies that you have taken the point into
account. Appreciating the other person’s feelings on the matter
doesn’t mean that you feel the same way, but it does show that
you respect those feelings. And understanding the belief may not
mean that you share it, but it does mean that you consider it
important. Shared problem solving becomes much easier if those
three basic summarising tactics come into play.
Of course, summaries must be genuine. They must be
supported by all the non-verbal cues that demonstrate your
recognition, appreciation and understanding. And those cues
will look more genuine if you actually recognise, appreciate and
– at least seek to – understand.
7. Use visuals
It’s said that people remember about 20 per cent of what they
hear, and over 80 per cent of what they see. If communication is
the process of making your thinking visible, your conversations
will certainly benefit from some way of being able to see your
ideas.
There are lots of ways in which you can achieve a visual
image of your conversation. The obvious ways include scribbling
on the nearest bit of paper or using a flip chart. Less obvious
visual aids include the gestures and facial expressions you make.
Less obvious still – but possibly the most powerful – are word
pictures: the images people can create in each other’s minds with
the words they use.
( c) 2011 Kogan Page L imited, All Rights Reserved.
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