Rewire Your Brain: Think Your Way to a Better Life

parts of the brain — such as the OFC, the mirror neurons, and 
the cingulate cortex — that thrive on social contact. I noted that those 
parts of the brain, sometimes called the social brain, could help him 
deal with stress more effectively and boost his immune system so 
that he would become ill less often. 
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S o c i a l
M e d i c i n e
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This information about his brain seemed to open the door to his 
at least thinking about fi nding out more about this connection with 
his health. Then it dawned on him that he might soon be encour-
aged to extend himself in ways that would be out of character. 
“ Even when I was growing up, I didn ’ t have many friends, ” he noted. 
“ What am I supposed to do? ” He seemed to be trying to convince 
me that he was unchangeable. 
Marc described his emotionally distant family environment 
when he was growing up. His emotional attachment to his parents 
was avoidant, and he had few positive interpersonal experiences 
on which to draw. I described the process of neuroplasticity and 
explained how he could rewire his brain to learn to be more com-
fortable in social situations. 
“ It ’ s never too late to develop new skills, ” I said. 
“ Just the thought of it makes me feel uneasy, ” he admitted. 
We talked for some time about how people can make changes at 
any point in their lives. Despite the fact that he had a lifelong his-
tory of few intimate connections to people, it was still possible to 
change. After some encouraging and comforting words, I pointed 
out that to make gains, he must do what he didn ’ t feel like doing. 
Marc indicated that he understood it rationally and intellectually 
but that he still had anxiety about extending himself socially. It was 
too broad a jump for him to go from socializing at work to extending 
himself in a social situation with little structure. The thought that he 
could be thrust into a social situation in which people congregated 
for the primary purpose of getting to know one another was over-
whelming. Therefore, we started by structuring time that involved 
doing something with other people. He registered for an activity that 
interested him: a computer class at the local community college. 
After a few weeks, Marc acknowledged that it felt good to be with 
a group of people who were together by choice instead of for a pay-
check, as at work. He so much enjoyed learning about computers 
that he bought extra books on the subject and read them. 
Eventually, a few of Marc ’ s classmates asked him for help with 
their computers. This motivated him to show up early so that he 
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144 Rew i r e
Yo u r
B r a i n
could be available to them. As the spring break approached, he told 
me that he dreaded the week away from his peers. 
Then one of his fellow students, a woman named Karen, sug-
gested that they meet at the local Starbucks with their laptops during 
the spring break week. This suggestion made him feel both anxious 
and excited. He managed to respond by saying, “ No problem. ”
I asked why he would say “ No problem, ” using a negative when 
replying in the affi rmative. Instead, why not say, “ Sure, that sounds 
great ” ? 
Marc was surprisingly frank. “ I guess I was worried that if I had 
sounded too positive, Karen would have thought I was hitting on her. ”
“ Are you attracted to her? ” I asked. 
He blushed, then looked at his watch. 
“ Women don ’ t want remoteness, ” I explained. “ They like a man 
who can express his feelings. Let her know that you are enjoying the 
time that you spend with her. ”
He shifted around in the chair, looked at me sheepishly, then 
nodded that he would try. 
At our appointment the next week, Marc looked like a different 
person. He was energized, there was color in his face, and he was 
beaming. 
I asked, “ So what ’ s new? ”
“ Life, ” he responded, as if I would immediately understand. 
I did. “ Does Karen feel the same way? ”
“ I think so, ” he answered. “ She wants to get together at Starbucks 
again this weekend, even though class is back in session. ”
Marc and Karen began meeting for coffee on a regular basis. 
Soon she began introducing him to her friends. Eventually he told 
me, “ It ’ s like a family I never had. ” During that month, his visits to 
his physician dropped to zero. I asked him about his doctor, and he 
said, “ I don ’ t need him. Whoops, I said that, didn ’ t I? ”
“ Let ’ s call what you ’ re experiencing