two Ozarks grifters whose blurry story will be immediately
debunked. I will leave today. That’s
what I decide when I
walk with my head bowed into the chilly, mostly uninhabited
library with its three vacant computers and I go online to
catch up on Nick.
Since the vigil, the news about Nick has been on
repeat – the same facts on a circuit, over and over, getting
louder and louder, but with no new information.
But today
something is different. I type Nick’s name into the search
engine, and the blogs are going nuts, because my husband
has gotten drunk and done an insane interview, in a bar,
with a random girl wielding a Flip camera. God, the idiot
never learns.
NICK DUNNE’S VIDEO CONFESSION!!!
NICK DUNNE, DRUNKEN DECLARATIONS!!!
My
heart jumps so high, my uvula begins pulsing. My
husband has fucked himself again.
The video loads, and there is Nick. He has the sleepy
eyes he gets when he’s drunk, the heavy lids, and he’s got
his sideways grin, and he’s talking about me, and he looks
like a human being. He looks happy. ‘My wife, she just
happens to be the coolest girl I’ve ever met,’ he says. ‘How
many guys can say that?
I married the coolest girl I ever
met
.’
My stomach flutters delicately. I was not expecting this.
I almost smile. ‘What’s so cool about her?’ the girl asks off-
screen. Her voice is high, sorority-cheery.
Nick launches into the treasure hunt, how it was our
tradition, how I always remembered hilarious inside jokes,
and right now this was all he had left of me, so he had to
complete the treasure hunt. It was his mission.
‘I just reached the end this morning,’ he says. His voice
is husky. He has been talking over the crowd. He’ll go home
and gargle with warm salt water,
like his mother always
made him do. If I were at home with him, he’d ask me to
heat the water and make it for him, because he never got
the right amount of salt. ‘And it made me … realize a lot.
She is the only person in the world who has the power to
surprise me, you know? Everyone else, I always know what
they’re going to say, because everyone says the same
thing.
We all watch the same shows, we read the same
stuff, we recycle everything. But Amy, she is her own perfect
person. She just has this
power
over me.’
‘Where do you think she is now, Nick?’
My husband looks down at his wedding band and
twirls it twice.
‘Are you okay, Nick?’
‘The truth? No. I failed my wife so entirely. I have been
so wrong. I just hope it’s not too late. For me. For us.’
‘You’re at the end of your rope. Emotionally.’
Nick looks right at the camera. ‘I want my wife. I want
her to be right here.’ He takes a breath. ‘I’m not the best at
showing emotion. I know that. But I love her. I need her to be
okay. She has to be okay. I have so much to make up to
her.’
‘Like what?’
He laughs, the chagrined laugh that even now I find
appealing.
In better days, I used to call it the talk-show
laugh: It was the quick downward glance, the scratching of
a corner of the mouth with a casual thumb, the inhaled
chuckle that a charming movie star always deploys right
before telling a killer story.
‘Like, none of your business.’ He smiles. ‘I just have a
lot to make up to her. I wasn’t
the husband I could have
been. We had a few hard years, and I … I lost my shit. I
stopped trying. I mean, I’ve heard that phrase a thousand
times:
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