Guide to Informed Choices
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— Newsweek, pro-choice article
s you probably figured out by now, this book is pretty free-flowing and each section is different. This reason is entirely put together by comments from girls that I received on their abortion experience. It's not meant to represent all the stories I received but it does paint a picture for you.
The waiting room I went inside and I can remember sitting in the waiting room, looking at the other girls, wondering what their stories were, if they were as scared as I was. —Violet The first clear memory was of the waiting room. When we walked in, it struck me how morbid everyone looked. I tried not to make eye contact, which was pretty easy, cause I think they all were doing the same. The receptionist was behind a Plexiglas. She needed $300 cash. (I‘ve never experienced any other medical procedure that requires cash up front.) 206
When we got to the clinic... I couldn't believe it was the beginning of the end. There were so many girls, young and old waiting to give the same fate to their child that I was going to give mine. We waited for what seemed like forever when they finally came out and called my name. I walked back, and the first thing they did was have me take another pregnancy test and took more blood. After that I went into a little ultrasound room; this was the final time I would see my baby alive. —Brittany
Counseling I put on a gown and sat in a room of about 15 or 20 other ladies in gowns. Everyone was silent, but their eyes were full of every emotion imaginable. Except the lady next to me; she saw my fear and said to me, ―Honey, I‘ve done this like 12 times, it‘s no big deal really.‖ I felt sick. 207
—Carol
A
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I can only remember parts of the conversation between me and the woman counselor... Her conversation focused on writing me a prescription for birth control pills, even though I tried to assure her that I was never going to have sex again. —Adena
The nurse, who was also the doctor's wife, called me to give them blood, and then they gave me 2 Motrin. Then I was called into a room to get a sonogram, and my mother came with me. My baby was tiny, the size of a peanut. It was so adorable and it was a part of me, a gift from God. You think that seeing her grandchild would change my mother's mind, but it didn't. I asked the nurse for a picture of my baby, but she said no because she didn't think I'd want to remember this. —Christy
I went in the room, and the doctor went through the process of what would happen, and handed me some papers to sign. I signed them without thinking. He explained the risks. I didn‘t care about the risks. If I was going through with it I deserved something bad to happen. I signed them. Then he put a pill and a glass of water in front of me. Without thinking I took the pill; that was it. —Hayley
The Act
They didn't even take a pregnancy test. I said, "Aren't you goin' to test me first?‖ They said, "Oh, I thought they did that up at the desk?" I said, "No, they didn't." —Joanne
I remember the face of the nurse. I remember the sound of the suction machine. I remember a tear rolling down from my left eye. I didn‘t jump off the table, which I have done in my heart a million times since, and I didn‘t save my baby. I just lay there and let it happen. I paid for it to happen. —Cheryl
I was instructed to change my clothes for the hospital gown, and then directed to the procedure room where I laid on a table. In those few moments I realized how cold my body was, from my head to my toes. A male doctor and his nurse came in; they only spoke to each other… not to me. I was startled by the loud noise of the machine that was used to literally suction out the life that was inside my body. I will forever remember the sounds! —Adena
doctors were cold... Before the procedure had begun the doctor had asked me if I wanted to see the ―fetus‖ and I immediately
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said no, but after the abortion I changed my mind; and they brought my baby to me in a little paper cup where I could see the body parts of my aborted baby. —Christine
A nurse stood by me, holding my hand, and rubbing my head, telling me I was okay but I knew I wasn't. The doctor actually told me what kind of discomfort to expect and when he was about to touch me or do something. I was somewhat glad he was telling me what he was going to do, so I wasn't startled, but not glad about what I was doing. I was crying and awake the whole time. I had some light to mild discomfort, and I could barely feel the scraping. All I could say was "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry." —Brittany
As the procedure began, I cringed and gripped a stoic faceless nurse‘s hand. It seemed to take forever. I hated every second of it…the noise, the tension, the pressure, the prodding, more suction noises, the cold tense atmosphere, oh the sounds of that machine…! and knowing that what I was doing went against the very core of my being. —Becky
procedure was
a horrible experience that will never leave my mind. —Sheila
Afterwards After the abortion, the doctor kissed me on the mouth as if to say, ―All better now.‖ He gave me some Valium, along with a huge Kotex stuffed between my legs. I got dressed and drove home on the 405 Freeway in a complete and utter daze. —Becky
After everything was over, I sat up and looked around. What had I done? —Brittany
They sent me to the bathroom to see if I was still bleeding heavily. On my way there I ran into the doctor. He looked up at me surprised, and almost a little guilty, but then I somehow doubt that. He gave me a half-hearted smile and asked me if I was okay. I wanted to hit him. Did I look like I was okay? —Violet
I laid there and looked around, and wondered what I had just done. —Violet
When I left the room and was leaving, I saw so many young girls just like me scared and confused. We could see it in each other's faces.
—Lana About an hour later I was able to dress
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and we were allowed to leave, but not through the front door and reception area that we had entered in earlier. We were GUIDED TO THE BACK EXIT… I‘m sure that they didn‘t want the other women to see the faces of those that had gone before them. They might change their minds. —Adena
now have to live with the damaging effects every day of my life. —Yoli
―The real thing isn‘t that glamorous‖ Reason #19 There are practical options to make things work for you
You have options Babies don‘t ruin people‘s lives. Poverty ruins people‘s lives. Lack of health care, lack of education: Those are the things that ruin people‘s lives. 208
o many women who choose abortion know that it is wrong and do not want it, but they say they have no money, no resources, no place to stay, no way to care for a child, no job and so forth. I want to say to you, IF you want to keep your baby, you can. It's true! There is help if this is what you want. Abortion doesn‘t have to be the option that you choose because you have no other choice.
For Rachel, she didn‘t feel like she had another choice: I never knew there was such a thing as post-abortion stress, had never heard the phrase before. Never had known of crisis pregnancy centers, never knew there was one that year in my town when I had S
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needed somewhere to turn besides Planned Parenthood. 209
Do you feel like Rachel, in need of somewhere to turn but not quite sure where? If so, then you‘ve come to the right place! Facing an unplanned pregnancy can be overwhelming, especially if you aren‘t aware of the resources that you can tap into. One reason not to abort is that there are resources available. In this section we explore some of those resources.
Continuing or finishing your education ven if you‘re still young there are lots of options available. These days young pregnancy is becoming more mainstream, and you can usually just stay at the school where you are currently. They will make any necessary modifications to your program, for example, by making exemptions during physical education classes. For some people, their school district may allow them to only complete the essentials in order to finish sooner. If you don‘t want to stay in school, one option is an alternative school for young moms. They offer a speedy version of the essentials, along with childcare skills, job training and onsite childcare. These tend to be on the way out but some still exist. Night school is another option, which allows you to complete the classes needed to graduate. An alternative to all of those is a correspondence course or an online study course, which will enable you to complete high school education and eliminate any need to drop out. 210
If you are lucky enough to have your parents‘ support you may have extra options. You might find someone to baby- sit for you, like a parent, during the day while you attend school. You could also be homeschooled by a parent or paid tutor if you choose not to attend regular school. If you are still in college, there are also choices you need to think about. If you attend a Christian college, will you be allowed to stay? Some are, unfortunately, a bit pedantic and may insist that you switch to another college. Does your college have family housing where you and your newborn can live? The good news is, a number of places do. Or would you prefer to live off campus anyhow? Do you intend to finish the course you have started? Can you do it full time? Would delaying your course for a year help you? How about changing to part time? Have you considered completing your course online? This will work for some courses. Another member of the family is another cost, but the good news is that many universities have financial grants to help out disadvantaged students. Inquire at the student services building, and while you are at it, you may E
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want to ask about child care on campus. Why choose between your child and your career when you can have both?
Child Care tudies show that babies do best when they are cared for by their mothers, but sometimes you need help with child care when you have school to finish or bills to pay. That‘s the reality of it and you just do your best. Here are some questions to think about when considering child care. Do you need full time, part-time or occasional child care? Do you have any family members who are available to help, perhaps a parent, grandparent, aunt or older sister? Do you have a sensible friend who might help you by babysitting on occasion? You can also hire a babysitter, but be sure to get proper references and recommendations that confirm they are trustworthy and dependable. They can also be expensive. Are you interested in regular day care at a local facility? Another newer option is home-based daycare where children are looked after by a local certified parent in their own home. The number of children is smaller, and your child is likely to get much more one-on-one attention. This type of child care is likely to be cheaper and will still offer activities and supervision. As always, be sure you check them out first, as they are all different. There is often a waiting list for child care, so remember to check them out early.
Taking charge of your work and career f you are currently working, you might want to consider a few things. To begin with, can you keep working at your job throughout the pregnancy? If there are no health risks on the job, then there is no reason why you couldn‘t continue there. Also, is paid maternity leave available or not? Some places will offer it and others don‘t. Will your employer hold the job for you when you take time off to have a baby? Assuming you have to or want to work after having the baby, would a part-time job suit your needs better? Including government assistance, can you afford to work part time? Are there any other options you can think of? One creative way to help you think about your career goals is to start up your own goals board, where you can post pictures, words, ideas that you have or objects that represent what you want to achieve. Any sort of board will do and any item will work — mock college graduation awards or dollar bills, a happy family, house or whatever you want. Have fun with it and think of where you might like to be in S I
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one, five and ten years down the track. Once you have a dream, then you can start thinking about the steps to achieve it and what little things you can do right here and now.
Another way to help you get direction is by talking with other people, who are happy with their job, and finding out how they found the right job for them. Usually people are happy when they are working in an area that they‘ve always enjoyed, had skills or interest in, grew up around or something that inspires them. There are also many books at the library that will help you decide on some career goals. Two good ones are The Complete Idiots Guide to Cool Jobs for Teens and
The Complete Idiots Guide to Dream Jobs . Some more questions to think about: How can you work towards your dreams, given that you are starting with your current situation? Is there a way to defer your career goals if they can‘t be immediately fulfilled? Have your desires changed now that you are pregnant? Are you the super-motivated type of mom that would start up your own work-from-home business? Finally, if you don‘t have a job at this time, most pregnancy centers will be able to refer you to job training and services to help you find employment.
Housing Maternity Homes These friendly group homes provide free or minimal charge accommodation to pregnant girls during and often for a short time after the pregnancy. They are often affiliated with a church and may have household rules while you live there. Each place is independently and separately run, so check out more than one before you choose. Since you‘ll likely have no transport, they often provide organized trips such as to shops, movies and church. Some people may hate the idea of staying in a place like this, while others may find it to be an absolute lifesaver. It‘s really whatever works best for you. Some homes serve only young single girls while others provide help to a wider group. Apart from providing a roof over your head the maternity homes may assist with courses such as budgeting and life skills, nutrition and pregnancy, medical care, parenting skills, job assistance and completing some type of education. Basically, they‘ll try their best to help you become independent. Above all, Maternity Homes are another option, a place to call home for a time and a place where you can choose life for your child.
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f you‘re living with parents or friends, can you continue to live there while pregnant? In many cases this question is a no-brainer — yes, of course! For those who have stern parents or other difficulties, finding a place to sleep can be very important! If you can‘t live with both or either of your parents, can you live with your boyfriend‘s parents? Do you have a cousin, grandparents or other relatives that you could stay with for a while? What about with one of your friends? An option that works for some young girls who have no family support is a charity-supported group house or maternity home. Or perhaps government subsidized low-cost housing may provide what you are looking for. You could also check out the housing boards wherever you go to look for roommates to share rent. For emergency assistance you might call one of the women‘s shelters in your area. You can find the main site in the resource section of this book.
Staying healthy hat can you do to stay healthy during pregnancy and help your baby grow big and strong? Well, lots of things! For a start, have a think about the types of food that you eat. Are you eating junk food for breakfast, lunch and dinner, or are you getting a balanced, wholesome diet? If you answered yes to the first one, you may want to adjust your diet, at least while you are pregnant. If you‘re stuck for ideas on what to do, one good place to go is your local library. They always have cookbooks as well as books on pregnancy and nutrition — and they‘re free. No substitute for good food, but a quality prenatal vitamin and mineral supplement will help ensure that you are getting the right nutrients. You can buy them just about anywhere, but for the purest ingredients do consider checking out a natural foods store either in person or online.
Looking at fitness next, do you identify with the couch potato or gym junkie, or are you perhaps somewhere in the middle? You don‘t need to go overboard, but regular physical activity during pregnancy will help you feel better and stay toned as well as increase the oxygen available to your baby. A great exercise during pregnancy is walking because it‘s gentle on both you and your baby. See if you can fit in a small, brisk walk every day. Other general health advice? Smoking and drugs are a big ―No No,‖ as you probably already know. Even excessive alcohol or too much caffeine can be Yüklə 4,63 Mb. Dostları ilə paylaş:
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